Last night the Egyptian Theatre continued their awesome line up of holiday titles. So far you've run the gamut of classics new and old like It's a Wonderful Life, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Scrooged and White Christmas. But Sunday was for action. Particularly, awesome 80's action with 1988's Die Hard and Lethal Weapon from 1987. I'd never seen either one on the big screen and was excited to soak in two Christmas set staples. Last week I saw some attention whore internet guy trying to act like he was strange or an early adopter/inspiration to consider Die Hard as a Christmas movie. Uh, it's set at Christmas. At a Christmas party. There's Christmas decorations. Christmas music. There's frigging Christmas themed tape used to hide a gun complete with jingling bell sound effects to remind you it's Christmas. What exactly doesn't make the film a Christmas one? Some people just can't get enough of themselves I guess...
Anyways, 20th Century Fox's Die Hard is a classic of film and the genre. John McTiernan directs a polished and creative blend of big action and high drama. Jeb Stuart and Steven E. de Souza's script loosely based on Roderick Thorp's novel is a textbook example of storytelling. You have set ups and payoffs, interesting characters, human drama, wise cracks and funny jokes along with inventive and exciting action sequences that all take place in only a few locations. Every character is memorable from limo driver Argyle (De'voreaux White) to coke snorting douchebag Ellis (Hart Bochner) and Al Leong's candy bar grubbing baddie. It was fun to see Fox Plaza and Century City from the 80's as The Ralph's and McDonald's are still around. No more .74 gas though...Bruce Willis' put upon John McClane has to overcome Alan Rickman's slick group of mostly long haired, European terrorists all while dealing with a pending divorce and running around with no shoes. The digital print looked great and besides a few hairstyles, the film plays pretty timelessly. The film had a tumultuous road to the big screen but proved to be a big hit, grossing $137 million bucks worldwide and leading to two solid sequels and two not so great ones over 25 years and $1.4 billion in global receipts. Oh and everybody says "pal" a lot.
A year before, Warner Brothers redefined the buddy flick with Lethal Weapon, Richard Donner's tale of mismatched cops. Danny Glover plays Roger Murtaugh, a 50 year old ready to retire while Mel Gibson is Martin Riggs, a suicidal cop on the ragged edge. While Rickman's Hans Gruber was after $600 million bucks, Riggs and Murtaugh come up against the remnants of a Vietnam War outfit selling heroin dubbed Shadow Company, lead by The General (Mitchell Ryan) and his out there to Pluto mercenary henchman Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey). Shane Black's explosively dark script along with Donner's workman expertise combines family, loss, intense action, stunts, jokes, drugs and near suicide in a cohesive and endlessly entertaining package. The final chase sequence takes place on Hollywood Boulevard right next to the theatre where we were watching. Musso and Frank's was the only marquee I recognized as still standing. Whereas Die Hard seemed timeless with it's gorgeous print, classical music and polished sheen, Lethal felt very much of it's time. From wild hair and outrageous fishnet outfits, you get homophobia, Apartheid and mismatched partner banter and a really bad 80's song over the credits on a beat up, 30 year old print. Gibson's angry-crazy acting and waking up with a cigarette and beer screams 80's but that's because the flick has been ripped off so much. Michael Kamen's scored both films with DH going atmospheric and heightening the shock value while his Eric Clapton assisted guitar and saxophone riffs in LW are nearly laughably awesome 3 decades later. Over here we get "son of a bitch" stated from nearly every cast member.
The films share much of the same DNA as Joel Silver co-produced both, Michael Kamen composed, both were shot in Los Angeles and familiar faces like Mary Ellen Trainor, Grand L. Bush and Al Leong appear. And you could smoke indoors back then. They both defined the action genre for contained settings with Die Hard launching a plethora of imitators (on a bus in Speed, by boat in Under Siege) while the buddy picture would never be the same after Lethal Weapon. Weapon would be a top 10 grosser for the year with a $120 million dollar take worldwide and kick starting three sequels over 11 years for a $955 million global haul. Die Hard keeps on ticking with new creatives (4 directors in 5 movies) involved and a proposed 6th installment in the works while Lethal Weapon lies dormant after a falling out between producer Silver and now retired series director Donner. Allegedly original writer Black wrote a 5th installment while Warner Brothers was keen to revive the franchise with younger actors but Gibson refused to participate before running into personal woes.
Winner: It's a tie! Die Hard is a masterful piece of filmmaking with a truly unique story while Lethal Weapon is an era time capsule that is arguably more entertaining. Die Hard is one of those movies you watch once in a while and marvel at its near prestige accomplishments but Lethal Weapon is the crowd pleaser you view regularly.
Yippie-ki-yay mother f*cker and go spit. Have a Merry Christmas while you're at it, pal.
Three of my closest friends growing up introduced me to The 13th Warrior, an action-horror mini-epic loosely based on the old story of Beowulf and Grendel. One was into the mystical and supernatural aspects, one into the viking warrior characters and one just liked to quote it out of nowhere. "Lo there do I see my father..." Only years later would I discover that the film was considered a bomb but has amassed a cult following around the world. Based on the novel by Michael Crichton (Jurassic Park) and directed by John McTiernan (Predator, Die Hard) with a script by Terminator 2 co-writer William Wisher and Black Rain's Warren Lewis, you'd think The 13th Warrior would be better remembered. In an age before the internet tore things apart prior to their release, The 13th Warrior suffered a similar fate of bad press, increasing budget woes, creative disputes and ultimate withdrawal of studio support.
We meet Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan (Antonio Banderas), an outcast academic and poet type turned ambassador as he and his mentor/translator Melchisidek (Omar Sharif) run into some Northmen at a shipping village. Word comes in that a nearby village has been besieged by a murderous, supernatural force and the Vikings enlist themselves to help. An old blind lady with a bag of bones claims that 13 warriors must go but one of them is not to be a Northman. Ibn is thrown into the crusade as they travel to the kingdom and meet the monsters of the mist and their "mother". Nordic shenanigans, Antonio Banderas being the little guy, wine made from honey aka mead, communal face washing/mouth rinsing/nose blowing bowls, feeble words like an old woman's, a mullet, boiled cow urine, sword and ax fighting, lots of beheading and bear worshiping baddies awesomeness ensues. Besides some crappy 90's CGI, 13th Warrior makes terrific use of it's British Columbia settings near rivers, in the woods and rain soaked villages. There's also an elaborate cave sequence complete with waterfall and diving escape.
The men on a mission feel is old news to director McTiernan who gave us one of the best examples post The Magnificent Seven or The Dirty Dozen with 1987's Predator. While the 13 members aren't given a ton of development, you do get to
know stoic and strong leader Buliwyf (sounds like Bull-vie) played by
Vladimir Kulich and small funny guy Herger (Dennis Sorhoi) who is
basically like Ibn's keeper and calls him "little brother". What's great about this movie is the warrior camaraderie mixed with a "fish out of water" story and action blended with light horror. You get cannibals in bear outfits, severed limbs, huge battles on ground and horseback, a descent into a creepy cave and a showdown with a poison fang handling witch along with sword, shield and spear action. It's not often you see a swords and sails flick and all of our guys are armored up in not too extravagant gear with an
archer, ax-man, hatchet guy and of course the leader brandishes a big
ass broadsword.
So what happened? How did such a promising flick fail to live up to the hype? Antonio Banderas was riding high from The Mask of Zorro, McTiernan had rebounded from the disappointing performance of Last Action Hero with Die Hard: With a Vengeance. Michael Crichton has wrote, produced and directed films like Westworld and Twister while his novels have turned into hits like Jurassic Park. Apparently from the onset, McTiernan and Crichton clashed which wasn't good for McTiernan as Crichton had final cut approval. Initially titled Eaters of the Dead like the book, a 1998 teaser trailer showcases the horror as well as the action. But test screenings were all over the map with positive reviews digging the visuals and adventure while negative ones focused on the leisurely pace and missed opportunities in the battle scenes. Having already spent over 6 months filming, the cast and crew were called back to the studio lot the following year for reshoots. On one end was McTiernan crafting a new ending and on the other was Crichton doing the same. Actor Vladimir Kulich would shoot scenes for each on any given day. While both men told the actor not to discuss what he was doing on each set, Crichton chimed in that it didn't matter what McTiernan was doing as he still had final cut.
Losing about 20 minutes of footage and gaining a new ending that included a final one on one battle for Bulwyf and the recasting of the evil mother; Disney lost interest in the film, McTiernan departed before final editing was completed and the title became The 13th Warrior. Estimated to have cost around $85 million bucks, rumors swirled that the budget had doubled. Graeme Revell's original score was scrapped in favor of a new one by Jerry Goldsmith. The film was not given a premiere and after sitting on the shelf, Disney made a last ditch promotional effort and released the flick on August 27th in 1999. So much time had passed that McTiernan's The Thomas Crown Affair was released four weeks prior. The 13th Warrior would gross $10.2 million on it's way to a tepid $32 million domestic and make about the same overseas. While Omar Sharif would publicly state his dissatisfaction with the film, 13th would find it's audience on DVD in the ensuing years with Zorro and future Casino Royale director Martin Campbell telling Banderas that it was an underrated film that had become a cult. Various websites were devoted to uncovering the lost McTiernan cut but even the original director couldn't promise a mythical masterpiece lying in wait. A 2011 French special edition DVD includes comments from the likes of Banderas, McTiernan, Kulich and co-writer Lewis in a nearly one hour documentary that has yet to make its way to the states.
After Desperado, Evita and The Mask of Zorro made Banderas a household name, subsequent misfires like 13th Warrior, Play It to the Bone, Original Sin and flop Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever would keep him working steadily until voicing Puss In Boots in the hugely successful Shrek series. Director McTiernan would fumble with big budget remake Rollerball and Basic before going to prison for allegedly lying to authorities. Now free, here's hoping he still has some flicks left in the tank. Crichton's film output would cool as adaptation Timeline would flop and he passed away in 2008 (Write In Peace). While it wasn't the big break Vladimir Kulich was hoping for, The 13th Warrior did lead him to a small role in Joe Carnahan's Smokin' Aces and Buliwyf-esque roles in Ironclad and TV's The Vikings. Until the special edition Blu-Ray hits the U.S., keep the mead coming.
When you go to as many conventions as I do, you start to look for certain things. For me, there's nothing better than digging through a tub of old pins and buttons or finding a postcard with art or photos from one of your favorite movies. In this case, it's San Diego Comic-Con 2012 and one bad ass booth gave me two pop culture nuggets.
The first was a white button with simple text in red, I Come In Peace from Vision International. You know, I Come In Peace? The late 1980's sci-fi-action thriller starring Dolph Lundgren as a cop who takes on a mullet haired alien who shoots up victims full of heroin then knife-spikes their brains to extract endorphins to sell on his planet? Remember? The alien says, "I come in peace" and Dolph retorts, "Go in pieces, asshole" then explodes the shit out of him? ... Oh you might know it as Dark Angel instead.
Number two was from a movie that only exists in Hollywood offices and maybe a few peoples dreams; the Joel Silver produced, World War II action-adventure flick Sgt. Rock starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. I had enjoyed Robert Kanigher and Joe Kubert's Sgt. Rock comics and grew up watching Arnold movies so to see a piece of promotional swag from an almost produced movie was "very interesting (throws up hand with Van Damme improv flourish)". Put this on the shelf of "what ifs" along with the 80's Joel Silver/Terry Gilliam adaptation of Watchmen (with Arnold as Dr. Manhattan), the lesser realized Daredevil adaptation starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and the 90's James Cameron directed X-Men starring Michael Biehn as Cyclops, JCVD as Gambit, Dolph as Colossus and Ed Harris as Magneto (oh wait, that was my and Wizard magazine's version of a non-existent movie).
Apparently this Sgt. Rock bad boy almost happened. As in, got canceled a few weeks before shooting, almost. In May of 1988, Warner Brothers and Arnold announced a September start. A script was ready, promo buttons were handed out at conventions, Arnold had done costume fittings and director John McTiernan was in Europe scouting locations. Sgt. Rock comics were seen on screen in the duo's 1987 classic Predator as the books were on the Mexican set for research. But here we are twenty some years later with no Sgt. Rock VHS or Laserdisc or DVD or 25th anniversary Blu-Ray on our shelves. Twenty-five years later, Joel Silver is still trying to bring Sgt. Rock to the big screen.
Who knows what happened, movies get made or not made for a variety of reasons. Some understandable (budget, star power) and others not so explainable (hey, we gotta fill a release slate!). We do know that Arnold would have been coming off soldier roles nearly back to back in Commando and Predator to much acclaim and box office muscle but action/buddy comedy Red Heat did not set the world on fire upon release in June of 1988. It's reasonable to think that the studio got cold feet at the prospect of Arnold cooling with action fans. Or maybe the King of Kings was tired of running around shooting bad guys with a machine gun. The Oak went a completely different direction and ended up making Twins, the flick that showed he was funny and a great actor (he played a virgin for crying out loud, if that's not Oscar worthy I don't know what is).
I got my eyes on a draft from that period (I'd love to read more versions) and remember not being overly enthused about it. Rock's heritage had been changed to German-American to accommodate the Austrian star, effectively eliminating the character's American everyman quality. I believe he's a steel worker from Pittsburgh in the comics. Among the panels and dialog balloons, Rock is quiet and serious, taking care of soldiers so green they're "straight from the mint" and is allergic to medals. His men are always in on the fight, no matter how dire the situation.
At that time, Arnold was larger than life, a superhero without the costume. Would he be believable as the no-nonsense leader in an unglamorous world? More than that, I recall the story being fairly tame and unexciting. A lot of tumbling rocks and an injured Rock walking around Europe. At one point he comes across an all black unit of soldiers and all I could think was that this was to be a Carl Weathers cameo to harken back to their great chemistry and manly handshake in Predator.
Maybe it's for the best to keep those rosy images in our dreams where they can't be tarnished.
EDIT: Thanks to a terrific interview with screenwriter Steven E. de Souza, we can put this baby to rest. Apparently, Arnold took a cue from Clint Eastwood and bought some property in Idaho, wishing to make a film nearby and utilize local crew. It was said Sgt. Rock would film in and around The Oak's new digs. While being fitted for his costume, someone mentioned Yugoslavia and a shocked Arnold called a meeting with the producer, director and executives. As location scouts had already been dispatched to Europe, Arnold wanted it in his contract that he would not leave the continental United States to make the film. After the meeting, Arnold and McTiernan left the project and since he wasn't sued, de Souza figures it was in his contract and Warner Brothers were going back on their word. No dice, baby.
