M. Night Shyamalan Retrospective

Back in the 90's I'm sitting at a friends house watching The Sixth Sense, 40 minutes in I tell them I know what the twist is and they say, "oh you don't need to watch the rest then!" and we promptly went and did something else. I'm sure I've watched the film since then but it's definitely the least viewed M. Night Shyamalan flick that I own. With all the talk of a Split sequel happening in the same universe as Unbreakable and a sequel merging the two films, we randomly started revisiting M. Night's work on DVD and HBO NOW:

The Happening: Mark Wahlberg being super sincere in a film about plants killing humans because they f*cked up the planet? And made people super violent or killed themselves. I dunno I wasn't really paying attention.

Unbreakable: I saw this in theaters upon release and was puzzled and slightly miffed at it's comic book movie but not being a comic book movie motif. All these years later it's still a somber affair but an effective origin story that I'm excited to see a sequel to. Bruce Willis does excellent work as invulnerable David Dunn, a simple guy who comes to realize he has extraordinary gifts. The film performed well but wasn't a blockbuster yet has experienced a recent resurgence in part to Quentin Tarantino being a fan.

The Visit: After big budget, non-personal projects The Last Airbender and After Earth met with mixed critical and commercial reception, M. Night made the $5 million flick for Blumhouse and we stayed up late watching the creepy flick about estranged grandchildren who visit grammy and pop pop. At first I thought the older folks would turn out to be cannibals but I was wrong. Excellent rebound flick for the Night.

Lady in the Water: I had never seen this film and half watching it on HBO and boy was it not very compelling. Something about a mermaid and another universe? Basically, Stranger Things owes this film a creative debt, methinks.

The Village: Saw this flick in theaters as well and enjoyed it. The twist might have turned some people off but it kept me guessing throughout. Were they time travelers? Looking back today at such a stacked cast, I totally forgot Adrian Brody played the lovelorn handicapped guy and that Joaquin Phoenix was even in it.

Split: We missed this in theaters but thought the trailers looked great. Amazon Video has it for a $6 bucks and the tale of three abducted teens by a maintenance man with 24 personalities is pretty effective. James McAvoy is solid as each manifested personality whether it be a child, woman or angry dude. Will be cool to see how Unbreakable's David Dunn faces off with the off kilter baddie working with or against Samuel L. Jackson's Mr. Glass.

Signs: Loved this flick in 2002 and is hands down the M. Night movie I rewatch the most. It's weird to think how young Mel Gibson looks in the film from 15 years ago let alone something like Lethal Weapon or Mad Max from the 80's, he's just been kicking ass that long. The family dynamic and farm/faith life against a potential alien invasion is a terrific and satisfying slow burner. Anybody who doesn't like the water twist should go try and drink out of the oceans taking up 75% of our planet and shut up.

Looking back I feel like M. Night is the semi-precursor to Denis Villevneuve, a guy who makes classy flicks out of simple stories a la Sicario, Prisoners and Arrival. M. Night backed himself into a bit of a corner as the "twist" guy but all of his films are well made, look great, usually have solid casts and deliver in the end. Glad to see him coming back.

Match Up Monday: Die Hard VS Lethal Weapon

Last night the Egyptian Theatre continued their awesome line up of holiday titles. So far you've run the gamut of classics new and old like It's a Wonderful Life, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Scrooged and White Christmas. But Sunday was for action. Particularly, awesome 80's action with 1988's Die Hard and Lethal Weapon from 1987. I'd never seen either one on the big screen and was excited to soak in two Christmas set staples. Last week I saw some attention whore internet guy trying to act like he was strange or an early adopter/inspiration to consider Die Hard as a Christmas movie. Uh, it's set at Christmas. At a Christmas party. There's Christmas decorations. Christmas music. There's frigging Christmas themed tape used to hide a gun complete with jingling bell sound effects to remind you it's Christmas. What exactly doesn't make the film a Christmas one? Some people just can't get enough of themselves I guess...

Anyways, 20th Century Fox's Die Hard is a classic of film and the genre. John McTiernan directs a polished and creative blend of big action and high drama. Jeb Stuart and Steven E. de Souza's script loosely based on Roderick Thorp's novel is a textbook example of storytelling. You have set ups and payoffs, interesting characters, human drama, wise cracks and funny jokes along with inventive and exciting action sequences that all take place in only a few locations. Every character is memorable from limo driver Argyle (De'voreaux White) to coke snorting douchebag Ellis (Hart Bochner) and Al Leong's candy bar grubbing baddie. It was fun to see Fox Plaza and Century City from the 80's as The Ralph's and McDonald's are still around. No more .74 gas though...Bruce Willis' put upon John McClane has to overcome Alan Rickman's slick group of mostly long haired, European terrorists all while dealing with a pending divorce and running around with no shoes. The digital print looked great and besides a few hairstyles, the film plays pretty timelessly. The film had a tumultuous road to the big screen but proved to be a big hit, grossing $137 million bucks worldwide and leading to two solid sequels and two not so great ones over 25 years and $1.4 billion in global receipts. Oh and everybody says "pal" a lot.

A year before, Warner Brothers redefined the buddy flick with Lethal Weapon, Richard Donner's tale of mismatched cops. Danny Glover plays Roger Murtaugh, a 50 year old ready to retire while Mel Gibson is Martin Riggs, a suicidal cop on the ragged edge. While Rickman's Hans Gruber was after $600 million bucks, Riggs and Murtaugh come up against the remnants of a Vietnam War outfit selling heroin dubbed Shadow Company, lead by The General (Mitchell Ryan) and his out there to Pluto mercenary henchman Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey). Shane Black's explosively dark script along with Donner's workman expertise combines family, loss, intense action, stunts, jokes, drugs and near suicide in a cohesive and endlessly entertaining package. The final chase sequence takes place on Hollywood Boulevard right next to the theatre where we were watching. Musso and Frank's was the only marquee I recognized as still standing. Whereas Die Hard seemed timeless with it's gorgeous print, classical music and polished sheen, Lethal felt very much of it's time. From wild hair and outrageous fishnet outfits, you get homophobia, Apartheid and mismatched partner banter and a really bad 80's song over the credits on a beat up, 30 year old print. Gibson's angry-crazy acting and waking up with a cigarette and beer screams 80's but that's because the flick has been ripped off so much. Michael Kamen's scored both films with DH going atmospheric and heightening the shock value while his Eric Clapton assisted guitar and saxophone riffs in LW are nearly laughably awesome 3 decades later. Over here we get "son of a bitch" stated from nearly every cast member.

The films share much of the same DNA as Joel Silver co-produced both, Michael Kamen composed, both were shot in Los Angeles and familiar faces like Mary Ellen Trainor, Grand L. Bush and Al Leong appear. And you could smoke indoors back then. They both defined the action genre for contained settings with Die Hard launching a plethora of imitators (on a bus in Speed, by boat in Under Siege) while the buddy picture would never be the same after Lethal Weapon. Weapon would be a top 10 grosser for the year with a $120 million dollar take worldwide and kick starting three sequels over 11 years for a $955 million global haul. Die Hard keeps on ticking with new creatives (4 directors in 5 movies) involved and a proposed 6th installment in the works while Lethal Weapon lies dormant after a falling out between producer Silver and now retired series director Donner. Allegedly original writer Black wrote a 5th installment while Warner Brothers was keen to revive the franchise with younger actors but Gibson refused to participate before running into personal woes.

Winner: It's a tie! Die Hard is a masterful piece of filmmaking with a truly unique story while Lethal Weapon is an era time capsule that is arguably more entertaining. Die Hard is one of those movies you watch once in a while and marvel at its near prestige accomplishments but Lethal Weapon is the crowd pleaser you view regularly.

Yippie-ki-yay mother f*cker and go spit. Have a Merry Christmas while you're at it, pal.

Gotta Eat! Pono Burger

It was a weekend of driving around randomly as I started in Playa Vista then up to Santa Monica over to West Hollywood down to Buena Park and finally over to Rancho Park. On Saturday we hit one of the few rent controlled yet most expensive cities in Los Angeles County, Santa Monica. I learned that Rent Control mainly impacts buildings constructed before 1978 but if your landlord wants to raise your rent 10% they're obligated to provide a 30 day notice. For 20% they owe you 60 days lead time. Anywho I've never really spent a lot of time in Santa Monica for one reason or another but it always just seems packed with traffic and people looking like they're heading to or from a yoga class. Bike lanes are a big thing there with bright green painted streets so I'm sorry I almost hit a cyclist while trying to park.

A former co-worker was speaking at an event in Santa Monica so a few of us decided to lunch it up. I searched for some spots close by and two popped up that caught my eye; Bay Cities and Pono Burger. Bay Cities is a pretty well known sammich shop that was even featured on Entourage. It's a deli and market known for their foot longs but apparently on a Saturday could be a bit of a sh!t show. We drove right past it and yup, sh!t show with some cheenius dropping someone off and blocking traffic when there was a metered spot right in front of them. As Bruce Willy as John McClane said, "f*cking California..." Right around the corner is Pono Burger. At first glance I thought it was Ponyo Burger, like that Studio Ghibli movie? Ponyo, Ponyo, Ponyoooo or Porno Burger for you dirty minds. There was plenty of street parking but apparently they have 90 minutes underground by some apartments. Interesting set up as you go into one structure to get seated and there's an old shed/hangar thing next door. Beer and wine joint with one cider option. Wasn't a brand I'd heard of before but it was nice and crisp and not too sweet.

All of their burgers are touted as organic, grass fed, better for you types and mine came with onion rangs. I made it a double to get my G's up so it ended up being a very tall burger with 10 ounces of Medium cooked beef. It was a surprisingly simple and light meal (I always eat my burgers sans buns so I can eat fries and not feel quite as bad). Fries aren't included though but they have sweet or Russet options with aioli on the side. I think that's just like fancy mayonnaise right? Garlic, olive oil and egg yolks, yup, fancy mayo. Being in Santa Monica down from the beach and serving up healthier options, it's not an overly cheap burger coming in at $16 bones for a burger and fries. But nice place, service and good food so I couldn't complain. Plus everybody complimented my Van Damme with poofy hair Bloodsport shirt.

Ask Me a Question: Die Hard 2 w/ Steven E. de Souza

Last night The Arclight Presents screened Die Hard 2: Die Harder at the flagship Hollywood location.  I'd talked to the programmer there about some possible movie nights before the Van Damme Triple Dip and the opportunity arose for me to host when I secured screenwriter and director Steven E. de Souza as guest.  de Souza of course is responsible for bolstering the careers of Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis through massive hits like 48 Hours, Commando and Die Hard 1 &2.  He also wrote and/or directed Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicles Judge Dredd, Street Fighter and Knock Off.  I knew he was an intelligent man with years of experience so stories we would not be lacking.  Mr. de Souza did not disappoint and we could have used an extra hour at least to dig deeper into his career.  Next time I guess...

Oh Die Hard 2, oh late 80's and early 90's action cinema.  From the opening blue titles that punch you in the face, DH2 is a big, loud, violent, funny and profanity laced good time.  We find John McClane, the hero from the Nakatomi Plaza hostages incident in L.A., in Washington, D.C. at the airport trying to pick up his wife Holly.  Turns out a band of disillusioned veterans turned highly skilled, ruthless terrorists are taking over the airport to insure the safe landing of a military leader.  Of course their plans don't go as smoothly when McClane gets involved.  Faxes, Twinkies, airplane phones, tasers, fistfights, gunfights, snow mobile chases, naked tai chi, one liners, ejector seat to avoid grenades, head butts and huge explosions ensue.  I couldn't tell you the last time I sat down to watch DH2 but I've always enjoyed it and never understood why fans of the series seemed to rag on it.  Director Renny Harlin keeps things moving in a sleek and bloody fashion while writers de Souza and Doug Richardson flip events and characters we saw in the first film to give audiences a similar experience but a new story.  Watching it on the big screen it was semi shocking to hear the amount of cursing involved along with seeing McClane smoke indoors as well as deliver lines in a 90's, "go fuck yourself" tone throughout.  Good ol' fashioned squib hits explode from every gunshot and the flick was LOUD.

Unlike the next three films, Die Hard 2 maintains a semblance of McClane's everyman appeal.  In part one he's never been in a limo, gets jet lag, is going through tough times with his wife, etc.  In part two we meet him as he's getting his car towed and he's not trying to save the world, he's just trying to save his wife. There's also a terrific supporting cast involved with Bonnie Bedelia, William Atherton and Reginald VelJohnson reprising their roles from the first film as the wife, asshole journalist and supportive street cop. Familiar faces Franco Nero, William Sadler, John Amos, Dennis Franz, Art Evans, Fred Thompson are in the mix along with soon to be famous faces Robert Patrick, John Leguizamo and Colm Meaney in small parts. 

After the film, Mr. de Souza joined me for a Q&A that could have lasted several hours and I would have loved every minute of it:

- Been a professional writer since he was a senior in high school. Wrote pieces for magazines and newspapers then went to work at local TV station.
- Gave himself 90 days to make it in Los Angeles, armed with a sci-fi and a crime script, got them to an agent through a friend of a relative who returned them saying he was too busy to read them.
- In first week in L.A., got onto a game show, won a car and was listed in Variety, some kind of record.
- Importance of networking, never know who knows who or who sees what.
- Worked at Universal and Paramount on shows like Six Million Dollar Man & Knight Rider.
- Met Larry Gordon who liked his blend of action and comedy, cleaned up 48 Hours in three weeks.
- Writes for the actor, Nick Nolte was a slob and Eddie Murphy showed up to a meeting in a suit, put it in the movie instead of having Nolte get in shape like he was supposed to.
- No actor in mind, writes for classic stars like Spencer Tracy and Audrey Hepburn.
- Female actors loved to play characters with male names for some reason.
- Should be able to cover character name in a script and tell who is speaking, not just your own voice.
- Went to expensive lunch with agent who spurned him years earlier who was now trying to woo de Souza to join their company, de Souza waited until they paid the check and revealed the disparaging note.
- Larry Gordon working at Fox, studio head Barry Diller met Arnold Schwarzenegger and said he'd greenlight a $10 million dollar film on the spot.
- Found dust covered script for Commando, tailored it to Arnold, de Souza plotted it out like television, notes sent to production staff who started building sets.
- Arnold couldn't make a movie with his shirt on after the iconic Conan and Terminator so Commando was a welcome change.

- de Souza would run lines with neighbor Arnold who was taking singing lessons to learn the rhythm of native English speakers.  de Souza got so good at mimicking Arnold, some of his dubbed lines remain in final film.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme wouldn't run lines with de Souza, instead preferring to do so with his latest wife.  Would think he said "see you ladder" instead of "later" but actually said it correctly then would do it again and say the wrong word.  Called cut on his own movies even when someone else was directing.  Classic.
- Die Hard was another script lying around, McClane seen as wimpy because he was normal so Arnold, Stallone, James Caan, Burt Reynolds and Richard Gere passed.
- Willis had a deal with Fox so in desperation, was paid huge $5 million fee.
- de Souza and Willis are from same area in New Jersey and got along great, Yippie-Ki-Yay came from Roy Rogers show they both watched as kids.
- Monday after DH was released, got call that part 2 was a go.
- Again, found old script, 58 Minutes based on a novel and made it into Die Harder.
- Turned elements of first movie around so audiences wouldn't know what to expect.  The dick cop character becomes an ally, European terrorists become Americans, the Green Berets are actually bad guys...

It was a crazy Q&A and I didn't have to do much prodding as de Souza has stories for days from his 40 years as a professional writer.  We went from his high school years to the 90's and his peak of influence in 30 minutes.  de Souza was cool enough to hold court outside and answer questions.  I heard rumblings of Commando 2 not happening because Arnold got too expensive, Die Hard is NOT the sequel to Commando, The Running Man 2?  Sure, why not.

It was another great night, thanks to Justin and the staff at the Arclight and Zach from de Souza's team for making it happen and of course anyone who attended.

(Pre) Ask Me a Question: Die Hard 2 w/ Steven E. de Souza

What's your favorite Holiday movie?  A Christmas Story? It's a Wonderful Life?  Scrooged?  Nah, I'm talking about action movies set at Christmas time!  Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Lethal Weapon, The Long Kiss Goodnight, I Come In Peace, The Last Boy Scout and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang come to mind; i.e. Joel Silver, Shane Black, Renny Harlin and Richard Donner created their own wonderful sub-genre to celebrate peace on earth, goodwill towards men as well as extreme violence, machine guns, one-liners and explosion filled mayhem.

This December, The Arclight Cinemas is hosting multiple screenings of Holiday set classics dramatic, funny and action packed.  I'll be hosting Die Hard 2: Die Harder with special guest screenwriter Steven E de Souza on hand for Q&A.  Unlike The Van Damme Double Dip, Dolph Night or The Carl Weathers Tribute, The Arclight Presents Die Hard 2 was not curated by Dammaged Goods.  While I did secure the guest, I won't be doing my usual trivia, prizes and custom tee shirt giveaway as the event is only a couple weeks away.  In a strange bit of repertory screening coincidence, DH2 helmer Renny Harlin has 3 films showing in Los Angeles this month.  This Thursday is The Adventures of Ford Fairlane at The Egyptian in Hollywood complete with Andrew Dice Clay and screenwriter Daniel Waters in attendance for a night I wish I had programmed.  The same evening in Sherman Oaks, Harlin's "amnesiac assassin" tale  The Long Kiss Goodnight starring Gena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson is also playing.  Mr. Harlin was cool enough to respond to my invitation to speak at DH2 but awesome/sadly he's shooting a film overseas.  Super buff and intense villain William Sadler lives in New York full time while I'm still working on lining up some additional guests.

Screenwriter Steven E de Souza is a billion dollar man, as in, his films have grossed that much around the globe in a star studded career dating back to the early 80's when he moved to Los Angeles from Philadelphia.  He quickly landed on a game show where he won a car then was able to talk some producers into reading his writing samples which led to a job at Universal.  There he worked on KNIGHT RIDER, writing and producing 20 episodes in the first season.  From there features came a calling and he became a go to guy for scripts combining action, humor and character.  His scripts were picked up by mega stars of the eras: Commando and The Running Man for Arnold Schwarzenegger, Die Hard, it's sequel and Hudson Hawk starring Bruce Willis, Beverly Hills Cop III with Eddie Murphy, Judge Dredd for Sylvester Stallone then two with our guy Jean-Claude Van Damme; Street Fighter, where he also directed, and the crazy nano-bombs and counterfeiters in Hong Kong tale, Knock Off.   de Souza jumped back to television periodically, developing animated sci-fi-action mash up, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs as well as globe trotting action explorer series Adventure, Inc. starring Dammaged Goods Hall of Fame'r Michael Biehn.

The Arclight and Cinerama Dome in Hollywood is a Los Angeles landmark.  The Dome opened in 1963 when back then, it was radical concept that would cost less to construct with a shorter completion timeline than typical theaters.  The large, curved screen was meant to to utilize 3 projectors as well as 70mm print along with it's geodesic design to give films an epic, event quality experience in terms of picture and sound.  By the late 90's, stadium seat multi-plexes were all the rage and The Dome was in danger of being demolished.  It was deemed a historical landmark in 1998 then in 2002 after a 2 year renovation, reopened as part of The Arclight Cinemas Complex under Pacific Theatres.  Since then the Arclight has hosted movie premieres and special events while drawing out actors and filmmakers just wanting to catch a movie.  Every seat is assigned and an employee welcomes you at every screening.  I believe there's a 3 trailer maximum before the film with no other advertisements.  Talking and texting are grounds to be removed and guests are usually not allowed in 5 minutes after start time.  There's a full service cafe, bar, gift shop and coffee bar in the lobby as well as an upstairs bar for 21 and Over screenings where you can imbibe alcohol during the flick.  Die Hard 2 will be one of those 21+ events...

Van Dammage: Black Black

(roughly translated by a co-worker) 

"Sleepy? Refreshed! Black Black!"

     Jean-Claude Van Damme

Strolling around a Japanese market in Los Angeles today, I came across the usual snacks like Koala Yummies or whatever they're called now, those fruit flavored gum balls that come in packs of 4 in little boxes and of course, the chocolate covered biscuit stick known as Pocky.  Something else familiar yet totally unknown to me caught my eye, a variety of Black Black products.  Originally a gum found in Japan since 1983, Black Black is caffeinated and contains gingko, chrysanthemum flower extract and B vitamins to give you a kick in the mouth and noggin.  Why the heck would I be aware of a product only sold and advertised for in Japan?  Why, like all other things in life, Jean-Claude Van Damme of course!  In the early 90's, JCVD, like many famous in America movie icons, starred in a slew of commercials for the Japanese market.  Contemporaries Arnold Schwarzenegger hocked lunch noodles, Bruce Willis sold Subaru's and Sylvester Stallone displayed the classy side of Ham.  The likes of Mel Gibson, Sean Connery, Brad Pitt and George Clooney have all collected millions while advertising scotch, jeans, watches and more.

Just a week ago, Van Damme's UK only campaign for Coors Light returned with a hilarious, 80's style workout montage complete with uplifting synth score that finds The Muscles From Brussels building an ice castle to try and recapture the ice cold refreshment of The Silver Bullet.  In recent years, Van Damme's garnered more attention for commercials than he has for film roles.  What's not to love?  I'm sure a few days work nets him a hefty paycheck without having to travel for months on a shoot, nobody is asking him to do a press circuit after and there's a guaranteed audience.  Going back to the 90's when Van Damme was at the peak of his box office prowess, overseas commercials saw him karate kicking for energy drinks, joking around for caffeinated gum, smoldering for Versace and charming on behalf of chocolate.  In the 2000's JCVD was kicking fruit for Virgin Mobile, discussing his fondness for Mages in World of Warcraft and doing the splits on top of foam mattresses.  In 2010, Van Damme was recruited by Australia's DVD Amnesty program that offered $5 cash back for unwanted DVD's in a bid to clean up the country's epidemic of stockpiled movies in a series of entertaining spots that showcased a fake serious Jean-Claude getting amped to rid the country of their old movie collections.  A 2011 Gillette spot captures a faux irritated Van Damme recorded without his permission which ends poorly for the cameraman while DASH detergent showed off his funny side and comedic timing while dealing with a touchy feely fan. 

It was only last year that Van Damme experienced a resurgence thanks to his Epic Split between two moving Volvo trucks set to Enya in a spot that has won awards and racked up 75 million views.  Shortly before that it was a series of weirdfunny ads for GoDaddy that featured an out of nowhere Van Damme helping small business owners via playing the bongos, slicing flowers with a samurai sword and spiking his eyebrows.  While Van Damme worked hard to build up his brand and persona, he unfortunately was never able to shed his 90's image of the muscle bound Frenchman showing his butt, kicking people in the face and performing the splits whenever deemed necessary; even if he has matured into the greatest actor from the action star era of the good ol' 80's and 90's.  Without a signature role or franchise a la Arnold's Terminator and Conan, Stallone's Rocky or Rambo or Willis' Die Hard, viewers remember the moves if not the movies when it comes to the world's most famous living Belgian. 

Now at nearly 54 years old, Van Damme's brand of muscular karate grace combined with a self deprecating sense of humor and knowledge of self, along with the ability to still do the splits, is again serving him well as the Volvo ads come off surprisingly thoughtful while GoDaddy is plain goofy and a bit odd.  Like the mid 90's when Van Damme tried to split his onscreen persona in two, giving fans martial arts fest The Quest while trying to move further into the mainstream with guns over kicks action thriller Sudden Death, Jean-Claude Van Damme continues to subtly remind the public why they knew who was in the first place while letting them know he's grown up.

Expendables Week: Marathon

After a long week it was finally time to lace up my boots and get a good pump for The Expendables Marathon!  3 flicks, 11 action icons, 2 DTV stars, a couple of former professional athletes turned actors, a former WWE superstar, 3 UFC champions, 2 theaters and at least 1,000 dead bodies equaled one heck of a fun night.  Things were supposed to go easy at the Cinemark 18 & XD in west Los Angeles as they were offering the 2010 and 2012 installments preceding the latest explosion and aging star filled chapter but didn't quite work out that way.  I was very interested to see what kind of crowd turned out for the 3 movie marathon as first, who wants to see the first two films again and second, who has the time to catch a during work hours movie?  Sadly or awesomely, it was my party of 3 and a single, additional viewer...who left after part I, so I'm guessing she was just hanging out before another movie.

Anyways, giant popcorn and a gallon of Coke Zero from one of those new age, 100 variety machines that basically just made it taste like fake, in hands, it was time for 2010's cinematic miracle:  The Expendables.  Written and directed by one Sylvester Stallone (with scripting duties originally coming from Dave Callaham), EX begins with our team of mercenaries delivering payment to a band of violent pirates in exchange for hostages.  The core team consists of leader Barney Ross (Stallone), 2nd in command wise ass and knife guy Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), butt of short jokes Yin Yang (Jet Li), substance abusing giant Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), muscled and mouthy Hale Caeser (Terry Crews) and finally the strong yet sensitive Toll Road (Randy Couture).  After receiving a job lead from tattooed and internally tattered Tool (Mickey Rourke), Ross takes a job from shadowy C.I.A. puppet master Church (Bruce Willis) after wet work competition Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) passes.  Ross and Christmas find themselves up against powerful 3rd world general Garza (David Zayas) and his "former federal agent turned drug runner business partner/enemy" James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his violent cronies Paine (Steve Austin) and The Brit (Gary Daniels).  When Garza's rebellious daughter Sandra (Giselle Itie) refuses to leave her unsafe country, The Expendables go on a moral mission to help overthrow the half assed government.

Instead of trying to get into some overly specific review of the films, I'm sure if you're reading this you've seen the films or are at least a fan of the genre and stars herein.  So let's just hit this stream of conscience style shall we?

- Stallone's face looks puffy, mental note of his appearance in each film to see how it changes.
- The CGI blood and knife blades are obvious but gives a nice touch to enhance the brutal violence.
- Statham beats up girlfriend's ex-boyfriend after he beat her up, then tells her, "now you know what I do for a living".  What?  Disappear for a month at a time and beat up assholes?
- Randy Couture and Terry Crews' characters really have no point in the film.
- Did Jet Li always act his poorly?
- Dolph is great in this movie.  Still think it would have been more interesting if he died as intended but hey, betraying his team, trying to kill them, getting shot in the chest, surviving and being brought back on seemed to get his character off drugs and gave Stallone another famous face to hit any premieres he couldn't for sequels.
- Scene with Arnold and Bruce Willy is terrific, great sense of themselves, their iconic roles and throwing barbs at each other.
- Steve Austin is jacked and I just kept thinking of his new TV show, Broken Skull Ranch, where he tells eliminated contestants "I'll see you down the road".
- Eric Roberts excels at being charmingly scary and skeezy.
- Some really violent deaths in this flick, shotgun blasted in half, knife to the head, knife to the throat, broken limbs galore, the Jason Statham/Jet Li team up death on Gary Daniels is awesome.
- Brian Tyler's score gives the flick an extra layer of bombastic veneer.
- According to Expendables Wiki, 221 poor SOB's get wasted
- "What do you wear? Size 3?!  Bring it, happy feet!"

Oh yeah, a fire alarm went off just before the final showdown.  It was really coincidentally timed too as Caesar was pulling out his shiny razor blade, throwing a glint in our eye that was enhanced as a flashing white light started to go off in the theater.  Luckily it was a false alarm but we were set back a good 20 minutes.

The only other viewer in the audience left after the end of part I so we asked the theater staff to just start part II instead of giving us an intermission.  Of course I was super excited for the sequel because, hello, Jean-Claude Van Damme is in it!  Bro, Jean-Claude Van Damme.  This time around, Stallone takes writing duties along with Richard Wenk, Ken Kaufman and David Agosto while handing directing over to Con Air's Simon West.  In the follow up, The Expendables take on "cartel for hire" The Sangs led by Jean-Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and his snarling, high kicking apprentice Hector (Scott Adkins) with a little help from legendary lone wolf gunman Booker (Chuck Norris) and Arnold's Trench along with Bruce Willy's Church after Vilain kills new team member Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth).  Oh sorry, Spoiler Alert...

- The opening scene is pretty kick ass, 15 minutes of trucks, battering rams, bazookas, bad CGI helicopters and Jet Li face, zip lines, .50 caliber rifles, jet skis, bolt cutters and Santa Claus.
- Stallone's face looks a little droopier in this edition but not as puffy.
- Some awkward and forced interactions, Liam Hemsworth says "it's a long story" then tells the story.
- Female Expendable Maggie Chen is a nice touch, not totally necessary, but nice.
- Terry Crews is yoked.
- Why is this movie so fuzzy?  It seriously looks like a layer of dust is on top of the screen sometimes.  Noticed it in 2012 as well.  
- Lady friend laughed at the fact they made Dolph's character's history Dolph's actual real history as a chemical engineer who fell out of academia after meeting a singer.
- JCVD alert!  "The Go-ot" "Don't cha-llenge me" "It's very interesting".  So pronounce, much weird, very Van Damme, voila.
- Knife kick to the chest!  F you Gale, just like in Hunger Games!
- Another kind of awkward scene talking about last meals with a tinge of sexual tension.
- Chuck Norris just recited a Chuck Norris joke.  Meta on meta on meta.
- "I now pronounce you, man and knife." "Rest in pieces!" Stallone is a Got Dammed Genius.
- There's a lot of frigging jokes and nods to actor's history, maybe a few too many.
- Yup, Bruce Willy and Arnie rip the doors off a Smart Car and drive around the airport shooting at dudes while quoting each others lines from The Terminator and Die Hard.
- Van Damme's acting is so good in this movie.  He's aloof, strange, determined, ominous, funny.
- The end fight with Stallone could have used some more signature JCVD moves but overall it's a nice scrap with a good back and forth that was more enjoyable this time than the first.
- 489 nameless, faceless schmucks get deaded.
- "Respect is everything.  Without respect we're just people.  Common, shitty people."

The projectionist cut the credits off so we could move on to part III seeing that we were nearly 30 minutes behind schedule.  We're still the only 3 in the place, lights go down and Lionsgate logo comes up and...part II starts playing again...this would happen a couple more times as they tried to figure it out.  Allegedly the fire alarm messed up something something so after sitting the dark, seeing part II start and stop a few times we decided to just bail and head to another theater to see part III.  The theater compensated us 6 free passes which is nice because 2 of the 3 times I've been to this theater, they've had issues like this...Now follow me to The Arclight Hollywood! 

Van Dammage: Padre Expendables

"What Mr. Stallone is trying to do...is feeding every character.  He has to feed them like a big family.  They have lots of names here so you have to feed them on an equal way.  It's like the padre of a family of a table of movie stars.  He's got to feed them equally and they're all gonna shine somewhere."
     Jean-Claude Van Damme on the epic cast of The Expendables 2

We're just about a month away from the release of The Expendables 3, the latest reunion of cinematic tough guys from a bygone era yet somehow still punching and kicking, the 80's and 90's.  While both The Expendables and it's sequel suffered from uneven tone, near self referential overkill and not utilizing the huge casts to their full potential, they still managed to entertain and give us action movie lovers a big screen blast from the past starring many of our favorite heroes.  In EX you had Mr. Sylvester Stallone teaming up with younger turks Jason Statham and Jet Li while recruiting 80's staples Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts in supporting roles.  While then hot again Mickey Rourke was brought in for 2 days on a break from Iron Man 2 as a favor to Sly who cast him in Get Carter when decent parts were few and far between for the once promising young actor.  Former WWF/E superstar Steve Austin and Direct to Video martial arts master Gary Daniels added some villainous muscle as Robert's henchmen.  Then former pro athletes turned actors Randy Couture and Terry Crews filled out the rest of the Expendables team.  Stallone's longtime friends and business partners Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis turned up for a quick cameo that was filmed over a few early hours on a Saturday morning while The Oak was serving as California's governor.  Being sold as a cast of action legends was a bit of a stretch as out of the 9 actors plastered on the poster, only 3 had substantial roles and could headline a theatrical film at the time.  Originally, writer, producer and director Stallone envisioned the likes of Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ben Kingsley, Forest Whitaker and Kurt Russell to be involved only to be turned down by an in the trenches of a still unreleased film Van Damme and a semi-retired Russell who wasn't interested in ensemble casts.  No word if Kingsley and Whitaker were ever approached or just used to hype the film to foreign distributors.

Up against the Comic-Con crowds Scott Pilgrim VS the World and the mature, Oprah book club Julia Roberts starring Eat Pray Love, the ragtag Expendables somehow defied the odds and opened up # 1 in August of 2010, earning near $35 million on it's way to a $103 million domestic take and nearly $275 million worldwide.  That would be good enough to put it above studio men-on-a-mission fare like The A-Team and The Losers, give Stallone his third franchise and everyone involved a shot in the arm.  Having suffered a multitude of injuries on the first film including a hairline fracture broken neck, Stallone relinquished directing duties to Con Air helmer Simon West to focus on the script and characters.  Rumors of a sequel quickly swirled and names like Donnie Yen, Jean-Claude Van Damme again, Michaels Biehn and Pare, Ryan Seacrest, Vin Diesel, Steven Seagal and Sandra Bullock were sought, denied and plain never approached.  Looking to break into China's burgeoning box office and production benefits, producers approached legendary screen fighter Yen who turned a role down that was eventually rewritten for actress Nan Yu.  JCVD, thought by many to be an idiot for turning down the first, was shown to be his usual under the radar intelligent self as he was now in a position to take a major role as the villain instead of one of the backseat Expendables.  Plus, he got the odd yet awesome ALSO credit versus With or And.  Stallone mentioned Biehn and Pare as actors who had been through the mill and deserved another shot to which Biehn quickly stated he didn't need Stallone to save his career.  Seagal's tense relationship with producer Avi Lerner is the rumored culprit to why the 90's star wouldn't sign on but audiences did get to see him mix it up with Danny Trejo in Robert Rodriguez's ridiculous grindhouse flick Machete.  Sandra Bullock was a pipe dream stemming back to 1993's Demolition Man which I'm sure never made it further than Sly mentioning it in an interview.  And what about Ryan Seacrest?  Apparently he works out with the same trainer as Stallone and has an impressive physique for a TV host so rumors of him playing a shady federal agent ran rampant but never materialized.

With Jean-Claude Van Damme as the villain Vilain, high kicking DTV star Scott Adkins as his 2nd in command, new recruit young guy from The Hunger Games Liam Hemsworth, Arnold and Willis in expanded roles and karate champion turned movie star turned TV icon turned internet sensation Chuck Norris locked in for a small role, 2012's The Expendables 2 looked to capitalize on the popularity of the first while expanding it's reach for 80's and 90's action stars.  The results are a jokier affair with Chuck Norris reciting a Chuck Norris joke and Van Damme turning in a solid if smaller than expected performance culminating in a physical, mano a mano throwdown with Stallone that left many fans disappointed.  The hype train was running at full speed with premieres around the globe, a panel at Comic-Con and the cast on every interview show imaginable but the film opened lower than part I with $29 million on it's way to an $85 million U.S. gross.  Worldwide tickets made up the difference and the flick brought in $300 million to best the original.  With a mid-August release, I think part of The Expendables' firepower was dampened by action films Total Recall and The Bourne Legacy hitting theaters in the weeks prior.

With over $500 million in worldwide receipts from theaters alone, a third Expendables adventure was sure and quick to happen.  2 years after the 2nd installment comes The Expendables III, touted as the possible "last ride" of the franchise but I'm sure that's more of a marketing thing to signal the end of summer because if this baby hits, there will be a 4th!  I figured Gerard Butler would be a solid addition to the cast as the Scot has action flicks and hits like 300, Gamer and Olympus Has Fallen to his credit along with a working relationship with Expendables production company Millennium Films but his name never came up.  Instead we heard rumblings of Jackie Chan, Nicolas Cage, Milla Jovovich and Wesley Snipes being on the shortlist of additions.  Jackie Chan bowed out as he didn't want to be in such a large cast and thought it should be a buddy picture with Stallone.  Nic Cage was never formally offered a role according to the man himself and for whatever reason, Jovovich didn't sign up either.  She was probably gearing up to shoot another Resident Evil movie.  Fresh out of prison Wesley Snipes boarded the Demolition Man reunion quickly though and Stallone teased fans that Mel Gibson was being considered to direct.  While the Mad Titan passed on directing reins, he did sign on to play main villain Conrad Stonebanks.  From there, UFC women's champ Ronda Rousey and Millennium's Hercules Kellan Lutz were brought in as young blood while Stallone pals Antonio Banderas and Kelsey Grammer showed up as additional members of the team.  Like part II, I fear III will suffer from 12 heroes and 2 villains syndrome but we shall see.  The biggest casting shock was that Stallone friend and part I&II co-star Bruce Willis would not be returning following a pay dispute.  Basically, Willis was offered $3 million bucks for 4 days work but wanted $4 million for 4 days.  Sly and the producers balked and within 72 hours had secured fellow 90's leading man Harrison Ford to join the party.  By my estimation the only 90's guys we're missing now are Seagal, Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner.  Of those three, I see Costner being the most realistic casting addition for a proposed part IV.

Originally touted as a throwback to old school action films, The Expendables I&II were both rated R for violence and language however CGI bullet hits and blood lack the visceral impact of squibs and real fake blood dripping from wounds a la the 80's.  Language wise I can't think of any totally obscene conversations that would warrant the rating or rival any of the pussy jokes from 1987's Predator.  Now, with the franchise on the line and a studio looking to keep it alive, The Expendables III has been rated PG-13.  Stallone claims it's to give all fans a chance to see the film but that comes off as a cop out to many fans since it was sold on the backs of the hundreds of shot, stabbed, blown up and mutilated bodies of the cast's filmographies.  Plus, the kids seeing Marvel or Fast & Furious movies probably aren't the same ones who would go see this.  However, things change and what is a PG-13 now is not what it was in the 80's.  After seeing arterial spray, inside out bodies, faces being eaten and the like on basic cable's Hannibal on a weekly basis, me thinks some not very bloody gunshot wounds, explosions and conversations not involving the f-word or sex won't affect The Expendables III so much that it won't be a fun time at the movies.  The PG-13 gambit paid off for Live Free Or Die Hard which grossed $383 million worldwide after 3 hard R entries.  The R-rated follow up A Good Day To Die Hard would gross $80 million less, losing most of it's ground in the U.S. where it wasn't overly loved by viewers so word of mouth might have had more to do with its performance than rating.

Now to prep for The Expendables I think I'll start with the Rambo films and move into Arnold's Commando and Predator then maybe a Lethal Weapon or four seguing into some Air Force One followed by Demolition Man with a trip to Van Damme's "very interesting" Expendables II...

Hot Damme! A Good Day to Die Hard

Say what you will about A Good Day to Die Hard but it's a perfectly functional action movie.  People complain that Bruce Willis' John McClane has lost his "human" side but give me a break, the dude was cracking wise and wasting terrorists in 1987's initial installment then fought bad guys across airports, on snow mobiles and on the wing of a moving airplane before blowing it up in Die Harder before surviving subway car crashes, racing through Central Park, falling from a bridge onto a moving freighter in With a Vengeance so please, let's just admit that the guy is a larger than life action hero the same as Stallone or Schwarzenegger only not as buff.  Sure there are dramatic, emotional, regular guy flourishes in Die Hard but they're also in First Blood with John Rambo.  However the sequels and imitations make people forget that there's actually only 4 deaths in Rambo's first adventure.

A Good Day lacks the complexity present in the first 4 Die Hard movies and gives us a boom boom boom, 97 minute action flick.  In the first third, we get a huge chase sequence involving cars, vans, trucks, big rigs and lots and lots of carnage.  Many of the gags were performed practically so you get dozens upon dozens of real vehicles being crashed and smashed seemingly on the streets of Moscow.  It's quite impressive and a little jaw dropping due to it's scope and utter disregard for public property and civilian safety as McClane drives his commandeered Mercedes SUV off a bridge, onto semi trailers and car carriers before crashing down on cars in traffic, shattering windshields and crushing hoods.  He even says "sorry, ma'am!" to a screaming woman underneath his tires.

Fox Lot mural honors DH franchise

It's said the sequence totaled 132 cars, including Lamborghini's and Mercedes Benz's at a cost of $11 million.  Director John Moore, Second Unit Director Jonathan Taylor and company planned the chase for 8 months and the resulting sub-10 minute sequence is one of the most epic motor melees in recent times.  A deft blend of location shooting and green screen, DH5 holds the record for the biggest green screen, measuring out at 1000' x 40', utilized over a highway set built in Budapest.  There's crashing, flipping, sliding, launching and a world record for tonnage flipped when a truck carrying a concrete pipe is thrown into the air and rolled to it's side. While it might not deliver the same genre defining, cinematic impact as its predecessor, A Good Day to Die Hard will forever contain one exciting and harrowing sequence that puts the viewer in the middle of the mayhem.

A little taste of the destruction:

Passion VS Paycheck: Bruce Willis

It was announced that Oscar winner Mel Gibson and 13th Warrior star Antonio Banderas have officially boarded the third chapter in Sylvester Stallone's third franchise, The Expendables.  You know, the flimsy, foreign pre-sale funded, wanna be modern day Dirty Dozen with Stallone in the lead?  Where current, aging and forgotten action stars show up for a shot in the arm/career?  The first two films have been a who's who of 80's and 90's action heroes kicking, punching, stabbing, shooting, exploding, one lining and bromancing their way to half a billion dollars in worldwide grosses.

Stallone. Statham. Li. Schwarzenegger. Rourke. Roberts. Austin.
Daniels. Lundgren. Couture. Crews. Adkins. Van Damme. Willis. Norris.

Wesley Snipes was one of the first new additions Stallone announced along with Jackie Chan for part III.  Seagal was rumored to be in talks but nothing has materialized.  Besides, he's too fat to be in the flick, everyone else is still in fighting shape (naturally or not).  This week heralded the surprising news that Indiana Jones himself, Harrison Ford, was joining the ranks while Bruce Willis was going AWOL.

The reason?  Money.  Willis was offered $3 million for 4 days of work in Bulgaria but Hudson the Hawk wanted $1 million a day.  Stallone and company stepped back and brought in Harrison Ford within 72 hours.  Sly then took to Twitter to publicly refer to Willis as lazy and greedy.

Hey, maybe living it up Bruce Willy Style is expensive, ok?

It's quite a shock considering Willis and Stallone have been friends and business partners since the 90's where they headlined action films and Planet Hollywood openings alike. When Stallone was on Letterman promoting Rambo IV, Willis showed up to hang out just to support his friend.  And when Stallone needed some high-wattage names to sell the first Expendables on, Willis and Arnold provided a brief but memorable cameo as a favor.

Is this a sign of Hollywood greed at it's best?  Of how out of touch celebrities are?  Is Bruce Willis the ballsiest mofo on the planet or just out of his mind?

To me, it's a simple case of Passion VS Paycheck.  Willis is no stranger to Hollywood beef.  He's clashed with Antoine Fuqua on set, lobbed online insults at Michael Bay and been torn to shreds by Kevin Smith in print and at live events.  Yet Looper director Rian Johnson sings his praises.  Probably because on Looper, Willy gave a shit and it showed in his performance.  Which to this viewer was his best in years; a somber and thoughtful character fighting to save the love of his life through extreme actions.  Meanwhile, his performance in Smith's Cop Out wasn't anything audiences would be talking about after leaving the theater.

Where it might seem greedy to some working stiffs, I see his outlandish demand as an easy way to say NO.  He's done Sly a favor already and appeared in the first two films, cementing their place in cinema history as the action star retirement home.  It's also shooting in Bulgaria, do you know how long it takes to get from LA to Sofia?  Expedia tells me 14 hours.  Basically, I think The Bruce is just too old and rich for this shit.

Watch Bruce Willy crash the Expendables panel at Comic-Con 2010: