Summer Cinema: The Expendables 3

After the false fire alarm, a 30 minute delay and the theater's inability to start the 3rd film, my friends and I motored over to The Arclight in Hollywood to catch The Expendables 3.  On the way, two motorists got into some kind of road rage beef and were racing/cutting each other off.  Right next to me.  At one point, I passed one of the cars as they got caught behind a dump truck and hoped they wouldn't try to cut me off because then it would be bad news for both of them as giving the finger and brake checking is for bitches and bitches get stitches, you know?! Cause if we're gonna get into it, let's get into it!  Know what I mean?  Anyway, the theater was about half full for the 8:30PM show and I'm glad we saw it with an audience as having a theater entirely to yourself is cool, but it's also cool to see something with enthusiastic fans.

The Expendables 3 starts off with a rescue mission involving a helicopter, machine guns, an armored train, Wesley Snipes with crazy eyes and like parts I and II, some bad CGI.  Turns out that Snipes' character Doc was an original Expendable along with the faceless Hammer and Woodsman, that the team started with 5 and grew to 22 before Doc was captured after attempting a political assassination.  Now, free and teamed up with Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Gunnar Jensen, Toll Road and Hale Caeser (Played by franchise staples Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry Crews) they're off to stop an arms dealer from purchasing some big ass bombs.  Said arms dealer is revealed to be Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), also a former Expendable who went dark and thought killed by Ross.  After Stonebanks shoots one of the team to torment Ross, Barney thinks it's time for the team to go on with their lives before someone punches their ticket.  With the help of crusty mercenary recruiter Bonaparte (Kelsey Grammer), he then slaps together a new, young and hungry team for a suicide mission to capture Stonebanks for the C.I.A. but instead of Bruce Willis' Church from I & II we're introduced to Max Drummer (Harrison Ford).  Things go bad on the operation and of course, the old Expendables bail out their buddy Barney and take on Mad Mel's army.

From the opening minutes, Expendables 3 looks brighter and sleeker than the first two installments.  Unlike 2, the picture is crisp and shiny, giving it a modern feel and in general the costumes, visual design, sets, locations and shooting style make for a slick and mostly handsome production.  Of course there's some bad CGI as usual with helicopters, planes and explosions looking REAL fake on the big screen.  Director Patrick Hughes and writers Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt (that's a very Hollywood sounding name, isn't it?) attempt to pull things in a darker direction with Barney burning internally to get back at Stonebanks, even at the cost of his own life.  There's lots of quiet close ups for pontificating and moving shots that highlight the vast locations like a Somali port, metropolitan high rises, a grand forest and the rubble filled remains of a European hotel.  Acting wise, new addition Mel Gibson is terrific as the conscienceless art buying, arms dealing Conrad Stonebanks and his van scene opposite Stallone is one of the greatest of any of the 3 films.  He makes it look so effortless and it really shows the difference between an action star and an actor.  Bruce Willis replacement Harrison Ford gets to drop some boring exposition as C.I.A. guy before getting funny towards the end while looking all of his 70 some years.  Antonio Banderas as fast talking Galgo is also a highlight, stealing every scene he is in with excited but not annoying chatter that covers up a bit of sorrow.  Wesley Snipes looks lean and mean but delivers some of his dialogue with hammy, Boogeyman relish.  New kids on the block Kellan Lutz, Rhonda Rousey, Glen Powell and Victor Ortiz don't get much to do but handle their roles just fine.

On the action front, the PG-13 rating does negate some of the brutal impact displayed in the first two flicks so it will be interesting to see the R rated cut with bullet hits, throat slashing and all that good stuff.  For the most part it's a guns and grenades affair with some fast, spin move filled fisticuffs from Stallone, Rousey, Statham and Mel Gibson's stunt double.  But the truck chases, boat crashing, night club brawls, shootouts, collapsing rooftop, tank barrage, motorcycle jumping and helicopter chases all add up to an exciting time.  I enjoyed the flick as it's not as serious as the first or as jokey as the second.  There's still plenty of "what the crap" moments like Arnold squeezing in several of his famous lines and the random use of certain characters (Jet Li, cough, Jet Li).  But in the end the 3rd installment feels very modern and stylish in it's execution.  While Brian Tyler score seems to be mostly recycled from the first two films, instead of using 70's rock tunes, the film is filled with modern tracks.

Unfortunately, The Expendables 3 hit theaters on a wave of critical drubbing, PG-13 backlash and  millions of illegal downloads.  It opened up with a not fantastic $16 million, limping into 4th place after parts I & II opened up # 1 with $34 and $28 million.  The flick did earn an A- Cinemascore which means audiences are enjoying the film.  Mine was great as we applauded each introduction, one liner, big explosion, etc.  After pumping up the international release with appearances in Cannes, United Kingdom, Spain and Germany, global takes are down 45% in some territories so this may indeed be The Expendables' last ride.  Chalk it up to a crowded market, franchise fatigue (3rd movie in 5 years) and not really bringing anything new to the table, The Expendables is a victim of it's own surprise success as they haven't messed much with the formula, keep cramming in more faces and haven't taken much risk.  It's kind of like watching episodes of G.I. Joe, the good guys fight the bad guys, the good guys never die and we get new characters along the way.  Only instead of selling toys, we're selling legacies. 

Expendables Week: Marathon

After a long week it was finally time to lace up my boots and get a good pump for The Expendables Marathon!  3 flicks, 11 action icons, 2 DTV stars, a couple of former professional athletes turned actors, a former WWE superstar, 3 UFC champions, 2 theaters and at least 1,000 dead bodies equaled one heck of a fun night.  Things were supposed to go easy at the Cinemark 18 & XD in west Los Angeles as they were offering the 2010 and 2012 installments preceding the latest explosion and aging star filled chapter but didn't quite work out that way.  I was very interested to see what kind of crowd turned out for the 3 movie marathon as first, who wants to see the first two films again and second, who has the time to catch a during work hours movie?  Sadly or awesomely, it was my party of 3 and a single, additional viewer...who left after part I, so I'm guessing she was just hanging out before another movie.

Anyways, giant popcorn and a gallon of Coke Zero from one of those new age, 100 variety machines that basically just made it taste like fake, in hands, it was time for 2010's cinematic miracle:  The Expendables.  Written and directed by one Sylvester Stallone (with scripting duties originally coming from Dave Callaham), EX begins with our team of mercenaries delivering payment to a band of violent pirates in exchange for hostages.  The core team consists of leader Barney Ross (Stallone), 2nd in command wise ass and knife guy Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), butt of short jokes Yin Yang (Jet Li), substance abusing giant Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), muscled and mouthy Hale Caeser (Terry Crews) and finally the strong yet sensitive Toll Road (Randy Couture).  After receiving a job lead from tattooed and internally tattered Tool (Mickey Rourke), Ross takes a job from shadowy C.I.A. puppet master Church (Bruce Willis) after wet work competition Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) passes.  Ross and Christmas find themselves up against powerful 3rd world general Garza (David Zayas) and his "former federal agent turned drug runner business partner/enemy" James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his violent cronies Paine (Steve Austin) and The Brit (Gary Daniels).  When Garza's rebellious daughter Sandra (Giselle Itie) refuses to leave her unsafe country, The Expendables go on a moral mission to help overthrow the half assed government.

Instead of trying to get into some overly specific review of the films, I'm sure if you're reading this you've seen the films or are at least a fan of the genre and stars herein.  So let's just hit this stream of conscience style shall we?

- Stallone's face looks puffy, mental note of his appearance in each film to see how it changes.
- The CGI blood and knife blades are obvious but gives a nice touch to enhance the brutal violence.
- Statham beats up girlfriend's ex-boyfriend after he beat her up, then tells her, "now you know what I do for a living".  What?  Disappear for a month at a time and beat up assholes?
- Randy Couture and Terry Crews' characters really have no point in the film.
- Did Jet Li always act his poorly?
- Dolph is great in this movie.  Still think it would have been more interesting if he died as intended but hey, betraying his team, trying to kill them, getting shot in the chest, surviving and being brought back on seemed to get his character off drugs and gave Stallone another famous face to hit any premieres he couldn't for sequels.
- Scene with Arnold and Bruce Willy is terrific, great sense of themselves, their iconic roles and throwing barbs at each other.
- Steve Austin is jacked and I just kept thinking of his new TV show, Broken Skull Ranch, where he tells eliminated contestants "I'll see you down the road".
- Eric Roberts excels at being charmingly scary and skeezy.
- Some really violent deaths in this flick, shotgun blasted in half, knife to the head, knife to the throat, broken limbs galore, the Jason Statham/Jet Li team up death on Gary Daniels is awesome.
- Brian Tyler's score gives the flick an extra layer of bombastic veneer.
- According to Expendables Wiki, 221 poor SOB's get wasted
- "What do you wear? Size 3?!  Bring it, happy feet!"

Oh yeah, a fire alarm went off just before the final showdown.  It was really coincidentally timed too as Caesar was pulling out his shiny razor blade, throwing a glint in our eye that was enhanced as a flashing white light started to go off in the theater.  Luckily it was a false alarm but we were set back a good 20 minutes.

The only other viewer in the audience left after the end of part I so we asked the theater staff to just start part II instead of giving us an intermission.  Of course I was super excited for the sequel because, hello, Jean-Claude Van Damme is in it!  Bro, Jean-Claude Van Damme.  This time around, Stallone takes writing duties along with Richard Wenk, Ken Kaufman and David Agosto while handing directing over to Con Air's Simon West.  In the follow up, The Expendables take on "cartel for hire" The Sangs led by Jean-Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and his snarling, high kicking apprentice Hector (Scott Adkins) with a little help from legendary lone wolf gunman Booker (Chuck Norris) and Arnold's Trench along with Bruce Willy's Church after Vilain kills new team member Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth).  Oh sorry, Spoiler Alert...

- The opening scene is pretty kick ass, 15 minutes of trucks, battering rams, bazookas, bad CGI helicopters and Jet Li face, zip lines, .50 caliber rifles, jet skis, bolt cutters and Santa Claus.
- Stallone's face looks a little droopier in this edition but not as puffy.
- Some awkward and forced interactions, Liam Hemsworth says "it's a long story" then tells the story.
- Female Expendable Maggie Chen is a nice touch, not totally necessary, but nice.
- Terry Crews is yoked.
- Why is this movie so fuzzy?  It seriously looks like a layer of dust is on top of the screen sometimes.  Noticed it in 2012 as well.  
- Lady friend laughed at the fact they made Dolph's character's history Dolph's actual real history as a chemical engineer who fell out of academia after meeting a singer.
- JCVD alert!  "The Go-ot" "Don't cha-llenge me" "It's very interesting".  So pronounce, much weird, very Van Damme, voila.
- Knife kick to the chest!  F you Gale, just like in Hunger Games!
- Another kind of awkward scene talking about last meals with a tinge of sexual tension.
- Chuck Norris just recited a Chuck Norris joke.  Meta on meta on meta.
- "I now pronounce you, man and knife." "Rest in pieces!" Stallone is a Got Dammed Genius.
- There's a lot of frigging jokes and nods to actor's history, maybe a few too many.
- Yup, Bruce Willy and Arnie rip the doors off a Smart Car and drive around the airport shooting at dudes while quoting each others lines from The Terminator and Die Hard.
- Van Damme's acting is so good in this movie.  He's aloof, strange, determined, ominous, funny.
- The end fight with Stallone could have used some more signature JCVD moves but overall it's a nice scrap with a good back and forth that was more enjoyable this time than the first.
- 489 nameless, faceless schmucks get deaded.
- "Respect is everything.  Without respect we're just people.  Common, shitty people."

The projectionist cut the credits off so we could move on to part III seeing that we were nearly 30 minutes behind schedule.  We're still the only 3 in the place, lights go down and Lionsgate logo comes up and...part II starts playing again...this would happen a couple more times as they tried to figure it out.  Allegedly the fire alarm messed up something something so after sitting the dark, seeing part II start and stop a few times we decided to just bail and head to another theater to see part III.  The theater compensated us 6 free passes which is nice because 2 of the 3 times I've been to this theater, they've had issues like this...Now follow me to The Arclight Hollywood! 

Expendables Week: Mel Gibson

Aw yeah baby, let's keep this Expendables train rolling.  While it's been the main selling point and punch line of the franchise, the gathering of action heroes and cinematic leading men of the 80's and 90's has garnered a cool $575 million bucks at the world wide box office alone.  Throw in rentals, sales, TV and other ancillary rights and The Expendables is most likely a billion dollar brand already.  I'm pretty sure Sylvester Stallone is the only actor to ever sustain 3 franchises and has now successfully headlined films for five consecutive decades.  If you'll recall, part I gave us fellow throwback leading men like Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke along with cameos by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis.  The sequel recruited Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris so the only 90's action star missing was Steven Seagal.  For the threequel, Seagal was still out so Stallone and the producers branched out to recruit 80's and 90's staples who dabbled effortlessly between dramatic and physical roles, landing Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Antonio Banderas and Wesley Snipes.

Playing former Expendable turned adversary Conrad Stonebanks, Mel Gibson continues his Hollywood return following a rough few years.  I love the guy and his work so it will be interesting to see how the next several years play out in this town of hypocrites and judgers.  Now let's look back at some of the flicks that led Gibson to joining The Expendables franchise:

Mad Max, 1979 - The role that launched a career, Gibson played Australian policeman Max Rockatansky, out for revenge against a sadistic motorcycle gang in a dystopian future.  I didn't grow up with Mad Max and honestly haven't seen it more than once.  Same goes for the beloved sequel The Road Warrior and third installment, Beyond Thunderdome.  But it was Gibson's first hit, a franchise and arguably most identifiable role until...

Lethal Weapon, 1987 - Now we're talking.  As wild eyed, suicidal, action junkie policeman Martin Riggs, Gibson deftly combines equal parts crazy, heart and physical in a signature role that would lead to a decade of imitators and clichés.  Partnered up with the family man, ready to retire but still a badass Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover), the duo took on mercenaries, South African diplomats, crooked cops and the Chinese mafia over 4 action packed and hilarious entries that grossed nearly $1 billion dollars at the global box office alone.  Director Richard Donner and Gibson would ultimately collaborate on 6 films: 4 Lethal Weapons, Conspiracy Theory and...

Maverick, 1994 - An update of the James Garner western television series, the film finds Gibson as a smooth talking yet confrontation averting gambler on his way to a big game worth $250,000 bucks in old timey money.  A nice mix of humor and six shooting, horse riding action, Gibson shines as the charming yet somewhat shady Bret Maverick and looks to be having a ball along with co-stars Jodie Foster, James Garner, Graham Greene and James Coburn.

Braveheart, 1995 - Would you believe I've never actually seen Gibson's 2nd directorial effort that netted 10 Academy Award nominations and won the man statues for Best Picture and Director?  Sure, I know all about the "Freeeeedom!" and whatnot but for whatever reason this flick just passed me by in 1995 and I've never revisited it even though I own it on DVD.  I feel a film of this historic, epic scale needs to be witnessed on the big screen so I'll have to wait for it to come back around.

Ransom, 1996 - Playing a businessman instead a cop or warrior, Gibson acquits himself nicely as a dedicated dad just trying to get his son back in this 90's thriller.  A handsomely produced picture with a stellar supporting cast including Lethal Weapon co-star Rene Russo, Delroy Lindo, Gary Sinise, Liv Schreiber, Lili Taylor and Donnie Wahlberg.  Ron Howard delivers a solid for adults flick with real life implications on the horror of what it must be like to have your child abducted and then delivers the movie goods when dad won't play victim and goes after the kidnappers.

Payback, 1998 - A modern version of Donald E. Westlake's novel, The Hunter, Payback is a moody, stylish noir action flick that finds Gibson as Porter, a thief double crossed by his partner and left for dead.  Once recovered, he threatens, punches, blackmails, shoots, crashes and kidnaps his way up the local crime chain in search of his stolen $70,000.  A troubled production that saw writer/director Brian Helgeland fired days after winning an Oscar, seamless reshoots still add up to an edgy, dark, funny and violent time with another great supporting cast that includes Gregg Henry, Maria Bello, David Paymer, Bill Duke, Deborah Kara Unger, John Glover, Lucy Liu, William Devane, Kris Kristofferson and James Coburn.

The Patriot, 2000 - A change of pace from masters of disaster Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, The Patriot has Gibson as a former soldier living peaceably as a farmer and father in the days of The Revolutionary War.  When an evil Brit kills one of his sons and arrests another, it's time for Benjamin Martin to open up a chest of whup ass...and muzzle loading rifles...and tomahawks!  Seriously, the scene of Martin rescuing son Gabriel (Heath Ledger) is one of the best examples of movie fathering I've ever seen.  He places two of his younger sons on high ground and has them take out the troops from afar while dad goes in double fisting blades.  Of course there's more to the role and film than that as Gibson gives a serious and nurturing performance as a dad just trying to keep his family together.  But when you BLEEP with him, he'll BLEEP with you, hard!

Edge of Darkness, 2010 - Gibson's first starring role in 7 years following directing the mammoth hit The Passion of the Christ and experiencing the first of several public incidents, Edge has him in full on Liam Neesons mode for a dark, stark and shocking tale of revenge and corporate conspiracy.  When his daughter is murdered, Detective Craven uncovers her secret activist life and a local weapons manufacturers dirty dealings.  Action is sparse but well used to jolt the audience and Gibson again does a solid job of playing a stern yet sympathetic character just looking for the truth.

Of course shout outs go to Gibson's other fantastic work in flicks like Hamlet, Forever Young, Chicken Run, What Women Want, Signs and The Beaver among many more but you don't want to read my musings on all of those and they don't have much to do with an explosive, tough guy reunion a la The Expendables.  A mix of handsome, charming, funny, crazed, physical and slightly off balance, it was quite an arc for the New York born but discovered in Australia actor to go from Mad Max to Lethal Weapon to Hamlet before seguing into an award winning director and producer.  Adjusted for inflation, Gibson has fifteen $100 million grossing titles and two franchises to his name along with being one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood, banking $25 million per picture at his peak.