Workout of the Day: Suite Life

Pardon any spelling mistakes and lack of embedded videos this week as I'm on the road in beautiful and frigid middle America.  While traversing several states seeing friends and capitals is fun, it can also lead to many a meal out, drinks, lack of sleep and other physique busters.  Now this place ain't about starving yourself and taking shirtless selfies.  It's about enjoying yourself without melting into a dumpy and grumpy mofo.

Arriving in rainy Kansas City, Missouri, I enjoyed a mix plate of BBQ from Gates (their sauce is not my fave) and owed myself a leg workout.  Utilizing the small gym on site I sweated out some brisket with the following routine:

Warm Up:

Jumping Jacks/Mountain Climbers/Shadow Boxing

 

1). Dumbbell Squat w/ DB Deadlift

The gym was equipped w/DBs through 50 lbs so I started with 30's and moved up 5 lbs per set for 5 total.

2)  Treadmill Sprints

Started at 5 mph and went up to 9 with an incline of 10-12, allegedly running uphill is easier on the knees and burns more calories.

For these I ran for 20 seconds and rested for 10 on the sides of the treadmill and repeated for a 1 one minute interval cardio blast.

3)  Seated Calf Raises

Just sit on a bench and place DB's on knees.  You don't get the bottom stretch without a box to put your feet on so I held the top position for 5-10 seconds each rep.

4)  Towel Twists

I didn't have a broom handle or dowel rod so I grabbed a towel at each end and pulled.  The tension gives the same stability.

A few crunches later I finished with 5 minutes of jogging, stretched it out and meditated to calm down and stop the sweats.  Then it was road trip time!

Snow Screen: The Santa Clause

Monday was a pretty good day.  Got a few packages in the mail, received some pleasant news at work and found out on the day we were going to Disneyland, they'd be screening their 1994 holiday hit, The Santa Clause, starring our favorite TV dad Tim Allen!  If that isn't destiny I don't know what is.  You might think it's weird to go to Disneyland and watch a 20 year old movie but we've hit the park hard for 3 years already; Fantasmic anniversary, Mickeys Halloween Trick or Treat, early entry, Club 33 (dinner is way better than lunch, ambiance!)...our current record stands at 5 rides in 1 hour and that included the 3 dealies at Cars Land!  So not real worried about going on Star Tours for the 20th time, which we did anyway.

The flick was playing on Main Street where Great Moments With Abraham Lincoln usually rolls.  Had no idea the place sat 485 peeps!  After a brief introduction, they hit play on the DVD player.  Clause is the story of Scott Calvin (mother BLEEP-ing) Tim Allen, a successful marketing exec at a toy company and divorced dad trying to spend Christmas Eve with his annoyingly cute yet disconnected son.  That night, Scott startles an intruder on the roof who turns out to be Santa Claus!  Spooked Santa tumbles off the roof and dies (kid's movie?!) and Scott grudgingly picks up the mantle to appease his kid.  North Pole, grumpy animatronic reindeer, children as elves, real life divorce shit, Judge Reinhold in ugly sweaters, Armand Assante and gift giving hijinks ensues.

Clause holds up remarkably well, as in it hasn't aged into a dated, schmaltzy, hollow cash grab that it could of.  The pace moves quickly, blending the fantasy Claus elements with the pseudo realistic family drama.  It might not be a Christmas classic but it serves its purpose better than recent attempts by Vince Vaughn and Allen himself in Four Christmases, Fred Claus and Christmas With the Kranks.  What's interesting is that Allen, a raunchy, opinionated, former drug dealer comedian would have a career defined by family entertainment funded by Disney.  For a week in 1994, Allen had the number one sitcom, movie and New York Times Best Seller in America.

Lance Henriksen Week: Millennium & Tales From The Crypt

During and after reading Lance Henriksen's autobiography Not Bad For A Human, I of course had a hankering to see the man in action.  With so many credits to his name, it was hard to find a starting point.  Of course his work in James Cameron's Aliens and John Woo's Hard Target holds a dear place in my heart and VHS collection turned special edition DVD's, director's cuts and revival theater screenings.  Oddly, I ended up not watching a film with our guy but two episodes of television where Mr. Henriksen guest starred.

The first was a 1999 installment of The X-Files.  Now I've never seen an episode of The X-Files nor Millennium but a sizable chunk of Human is dedicated to Henriksen's portrayal of former FBI profiler Frank Black and the effect it had on his mind and career.  The brainchild of X-Files creator Chris Carter, Millennium was written with Henriksen in mind and became one of Fox's most watched pilots of all time.  The grueling pace of television took it's toll on its star who equated a season to TV akin to making 10 or 11 movies in a year.  His method approach combined with the dark subject matter made it difficult to jettison the role once shooting ended.  However, Henriksen's work was recognized with 3 Golden Globe nominations for Best Performance and 2 Saturn Award nominations for Best Genre TV Actor.

Season 3 ended on a cliffhanger and was then canceled by FOX.  That brings us to "Millennium", episode 4 of season 7 on The X-Files where Agents Scully and Mulder investigate exhumed graves of FBI agents who committed suicide.  A cult with ties to the Millennium Group are reanimating corpses and only Frank Black can stop them.  Well, sort of, we find Black living a quiet life in a mental institute and refusing to assist in the investigation.  It was actually kind of funny to see Henriksen's first two scenes in the show have him acting in a bath robe.  By the end though, Black is back and rescues Mulder, who is trapped in a basement full of zombies.  Since I was unfamiliar with Millennium as a show, I have no way of knowing if this was a satisfying conclusion.  According to Henriksen, it wasn't.

More satiating was my next viewing, a 1991 episode of HBO's horror anthology series, Tales From The Crypt.  Executive produced by Hollywood heavy hitters like Richard Donner, Joel Silver, Walter Hill and Robert Zemeckis, Tales translated old comics and short stories into creepy and eerie star powered installments.  Henriksen appeared in two episodes of Tales: Cutting Cards by Walter Hill and Yellow by Zemeckis.  The credits of Yellow alone are insane.  Director of Back to the Future, writers of Predator, composer of The Avengers, featuring Kirk Douglas, Henriksen and Dan Aykroyd! 

Yellow is set in the trenches of The Great War aka World War I where a cowardly lieutenant couldn't care less if his troops follow the general's orders or hide out in in the mud.  Unfortunately the general (Douglas) is his father who can't risk having his son be viewed as an incompetent coward.  Henriksen plays Sergeant Ripper: a tough, sneering, snarling soldier who can't help but despise the lieutenant.  Ripper and the lieutenant are sent on a dangerous night mission to fix a downed communication line.  In the field, Ripper tries to instill some confidence in the lieutenant as his and the life of his men are at risk.  The lieutenant loses his nerve, fails to warn Ripper of approaching enemy troops and they're all gunned down with Ripper catching the brunt of a grenade blast.

The lieutenant retreats back to base where he claims they were ambushed and he was the only survivor.  But badass Ripper makes it back to camp, holding his guts in and all to tell the general his son is yellow and left them to die...watch the episode to find out what happens, it's worth it.

Man, this was some good stuff all around.  Henriksen as Ripper was a phenomenal performance in a short amount of time.  He's angry, intense and feral while appearing sympathetic when necessary.  According to Human, it was also a milestone for Henriksen who had been inspired to hit the road by Douglas westerns like The Big Sky and Lonely Are The Brave.   Now, decades later, Henriksen was sharing the screen with his idol who complimented his acting prowess.  That's what we call coming Full Circle, John (Rambo).

Cyber(dyne) Monday!

Dang you Amazon!  Well actually no, they had so many good deals I couldn't not buy them!  Stayed away from brick and mortar shops Friday as a new TV or blender isn't really worth physical harm to myself.  Sites like Dark Horizons had deals all week long so I steadily added more and more to my cart.  Their Prime membership service is pretty sweet, you get to stream movies and TV (so many Food Network shows!) cheaper than Netflix and you get free two day shipping.

Then we got word that those geniuses want to roll out a system of delivery drones for customers within a ten mile radius of shipping plants.  It's literally the rise of the machines!

This years Cyber Monday was the biggest in history with $1.735 billion in desktop spending.  Black Friday clocked in at $1.198 billion while Thanksgiving Day tallied $766 million.  Some of the growth from last year is in the double digits so pretty soon our computers will shop for us before they eventually become self aware and launch nukes at our enemies...

Never forget:

Van Dammage - Gotta Eat!

"It's like when you go to the restaurant, every day you have steak and French fries.  And then you go to another restaurant and you have a different plate.  You've got some steak, you've got some venison, you've got vegetables, whatever you want.  You have so many options, it's really difficult to find out what you like the best."
     Jean-Claude Van Damme on celebrities and women

Workout of the Day: Double Pump

It's been a little cold here in Los Angeles lately so I decided to stay in the house and get in a quick weight session.  Was feeling a little flat so I opted for a Shoulder-Biceps-Triceps routine utilizing supersets but each exercise for the same body part instead of alternating.  The moves work different parts of the muscle from different angles so I don't have to worry about straining tendons and joints while achieving a nice pump since the muscles stay engorged with blood.

1)  Handstand Push Up w/ Dumbbell Upright Row - You can do this a few ways, flip up into a handstand against a wall or start in a push up position with your feet against the wall and walk your way up or put your feet on a chair and hold your upper body at a 90 degree angle.

2)  Close Grip Chin Up w/ EZ Bar Curl - Chins for the forearms and brachialis while curls hit the biceps more directly.

3)  Close Grip Push Up w/ Dumbbell Side Extension - Push ups work the triceps, front delts and inner chest while the DB move helps tie in the rear part of the muscle.

4)  DB Press w/ Cable Lateral Side Raise - Presses for size, lateral raises for definition

5)  EZ Bar Reverse Curl w/ Incline Dumbbell Curl - EZ Curls for forearms and bicep mass with Incline Curls done in a doorway (middle of back against frame, take a step out and slide down) for definition, peak and shoulder/biceps tie in.

6)  Lying EZ Bar Skull Crusher w/ Dumbbell Extension - These two exercises work the triceps in about the same way but using DB's gives you a little more range of motion without stress on the wrists.

I did each superset twice, increasing the weight then finished off with some more shoulder raises and forearm exercises because I was watching Expendables II and Stallone still has crazy forearms.

Here's a Super Shoulder Routine, get it?

Lance Henriksen Week: Not Bad For A Human

This year's Long Beach Comic & Horror Con was awesome.  As always, it's easy to get to with plentiful parking and tons of food/entertainment choices steps away.  You also have a view of the ocean from the steps of the beautiful LB Convention center.  The exhibitor floor was cracking with artist alley at full capacity.  Vendors were selling all types of cool swag and we picked up A LOT of stuff which I'll highlight later.

It was a bummer to see Thomas Jane had to bail this year due to his movie or TV shooting schedule but the good news was that Lance Henriksen, who was only scheduled to attend Sunday was now appearing Saturday and sharing TJ and Tim Bradstreet's RAW Studios booth!  If you don't know who Henriksen is but still find your way over here I really, really commend you.  After passing by a few times, the line had finally let up and we made our approach.  Henriksen was set up selling copies of his autobiography, Not Bad For A Human along with the usual variety of 8x10 glossy photos for autographs.  His deal of the day was a copy of the book and a photo of your choice.  Of course I selected the photo of him as Bishop from Aliens where he's lying on the floor, torn in half with his artificial person innards spilling out. 

I've never been one for photos with celebs as it takes away from your chance to actually engage them as a person because you're fiddling with a camera, getting into position and generally not being able to say much.  That rationale served me well this day as I got the chance to chit chat with Henriksen for a few minutes about the origins of his book, his work on Hard Target (Jean-Claude Van Damme as a modern day samurai with greasy mullet alert!), the last movie he worked on and the strangely awesome fact that he's worked on three different movies about sasquatch/abominable snowmen.  Luckily the lady snapped a pic while we chatted.  Henriksen was super cool, funny and nowhere near as intense as his usual gruff/scary performances in TV/film.  But his voice, that great voice, is real.

The book was a pretty fast read as the author and Henriksen move through his life and career with additional comments from several directors and actors he's worked with.  Henriksen was born in New York to a father who wasn't around and a mother who couldn't take care of him.  Inspired by Kirk Douglas westerns, Henriksen would drift around the country working odd jobs, visiting relatives, getting into trouble, joining the military and getting kicked out before finding his calling as an actor and pottery enthusiast.  Acting helped Henriksen deal with his anger, authority and abandonment issues while also making him confront his inability to read.  With the help of scripts, he forced himself to learn so he could make a go at acting as a career.

Reading through, you forget how many movies Henriksen has been in and the sheer magnitude of talented people he's worked with.  Sidney Lumet, James Cameron, John Woo, Sam Raimi, Ed Harris, Phil Kaufman, Walter Hill, Chris Carter, Steven Spielberg, Stan Winston, Robert Zemeckis...Starring opposite the likes of JCVD, Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton, Dennis Quaid, Russell Crowe, Gene Hackman, Johnny Depp, Al Pacino, Sigourney Weaver, Kirk Douglas and a hundred more.

It was interesting to see how personally invested Henriksen was in each of his roles, going straight method and staying in character.  That commitment is probably why so many people like working with him.  It's also a little sad to see how that dedication and work ethic would undo his personal life as he couldn't let go of each role immediately and brought the darkness home causing friction with the wife(s). 

Staying busy as ever, Henriksen had no less than 6 movies released in 2013 and another 9 in various stages of production along with his voiceover work in animation, video games and commercials.  Time to skim through his hundreds of credits and find a few to watch...

(NOT) Love Actually: The Last Stand

Award season is in full swing for movies with serious, adult themed dramas and tragedies filling up Cineplex's for hours at a time.  We'll start seeing best of lists from people who have never made a movie and then we'll get that bullshit meat market, campaign trail, old white guy mecca known as The Oscars.  Hundreds of films are released a year but the big, noteworthy ones find themselves in a glut around holiday time to fight for voter attention and critical prestige.  A movie with no award prospects but one I thoroughly enjoyed upon release and have revisited since is Arnold's failed comeback vehicle, The Last Stand.  The flick tanked back in January, grossing a meager $12 million on a reported $40 million budget.

I'm not here to talk about what went wrong, I'm here to rap about what went kick ass about the flick.  The pedigree behind The Last Stand is quite impressive; producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has enjoyable credits like Four Brothers, Red and Transformers to his name while Korean director Kim Jee-Woon makes his US debut after the lyrical action drama A Bittersweet Life and gonzo western The Good, The Bad and The Weird.  A low watt yet recognizable cast including Forest Whitaker, Harry Dean Stanton, Luis Guzman, Peter Stormare, Johnny Knoxville, Jaimie Alexander and Rodrigo Santoro show up to support the aging Arnold.

The Last Stand shows Arnold's intelligence as an actor coming back to the game after a long layoff.  Instead of beating the drum of his own one man band a la Stallone, Arnold again aligns himself with a strong director and talented crew.  The flick is about the best example of a past era movie star trying to compete in the current cinema landscape.  Arnold's portrayal of sheriff Ray Owens is a little stiff but he's still strong, charismatic, funny and able to handle himself in the action.  As Clint Eastwood continued to convincingly play tough guy roles into his retirement years, Arnold carries the tradition if not quite as successfully.

The flick concerns an egomaniacal Mexican cartel leader escaping the feds and making a run for the border in a stolen, souped up Corvette.  Said villain pulls a fast one and avoids the major entry point, opting to have his lackies build a bridge over a narrow canyon in the town of Summerton; sheriff'd by none other than our "worked in LA, saw too much blood and came back to the quiet town" guy Arnold.  With a ragtag crew of rookies and outcasts, Arnold takes on the cartel's goons and makes, The Last Stand.

From beginning to end, The Last Stand is a fun flick.  A flick audiences can feed off each other's laughing and cheering.  It's funny, fast, violent and exciting.  Shootouts, car chases, car flipping, foot chases, cornfields, brawling, falling and grannies with guns provide cathartic mayhem.  I saw it at a preview screening and couldn't believe how much fun it was.  The crowd was so into it and walking out there was a general buzz of good feeling.  Unlike Stallone's Bullet to the Head where audience members didn't know whether to applaud or be appalled at the hyper violent and racist goings on to the point that goers shushed and made fun of each other.

Nods are made to Arnold's age and history as a badass but the film never makes him out to be Superman or tries to recreate his image as the stoic and pumped up hero of Predator or Conan.  That's what I like about the flick, it's doing its best to take Arnold's baggage into a new direction.  He's not the guy from Commando or Terminator anymore so let's not try to hide it.  Whereas Stallone struck higher financial success with The Expendables, the clunky ass action series that highlights his plastic surgery and supplement regimen while showcasing the fact he can't let go and always has to be top dog.  But Arnold then and now, is always concerned with "the movie" and making it the best it can be.  With The Last Stand, he proves again why he'll always be The King of Kings.

Arnold needs to do more of these things:

Gotta Eat! Jack In The Box

You're probably thinking, does Jack in the Box really warrant it's own post?  And you're right, Jack is far from my favorite fast food joint.  It sits well behind McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's.  But you know what advantage Jack as on the competition?  Their menu is 24 hour.  So when you wake up and feel like having a burger, fries and two tacos there's literally no other option. 

You might also be thinking, man, why work out if you're just going to eat that crap?  Because if I didn't train then the food would take it's toll on me.  About a year ago I went to the doctor for a physical, my first since a half assed one in high school.  I was afraid they'd tell me I had high cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure or something but you know what they told me?  I'm in excellent health.  So if a "heavy" user of fast food (according to Super Size Me) like me can eat my burger for breakfast and have my biceps too, then all them posers going on juice cleanses can continue to be dumpy and suck it.

Mascot party:

Chief Goods: Happy New Year

Who's ready for their lumps?!

"She was on TV recently, Miley Ray Cyrus, and it was just like, "What the fuck is all this about?" I don't know. It's a shame, because it puts all the other female artists back about fucking five years. Now, Adele and Emili Sande – that music, to me, is like music for fucking grannies, but at least it's got some kind of credibility.

It's just embarrassing. Be good. Don't be outrageous. Anybody can be outrageous! I could go to the Rolling Stone office and fucking shit on top of a boiled egg, right? And people would go, "Wow, fucking hell, that's outrageous!" But is it any good? No, because, essentially, it's just a shit on top of a boiled egg. That's all it is. If I was to go to your office and play you a song that I'd just written that was amazing, that would be better, wouldn't it?"

- Noel Gallagher on Miley Cyrus and women in the music industry

That singer from Beady Eye:

Dammaged View: Sports Movies

I ran late this morning after popping in Moneyball and getting caught up in the story of failed player turned manager Billy Beane's attempt to rebuild the Oakland Athletics after losing three key players.  Using statistics, averages and economics to assemble a rag tag team of ignored, undervalued and past super stars; Beane's reject squad makes history and wins 20 games straight.  The film itself is immaculate in its simplicity and clarity.  Brad Pitt's frustrated swagger mixed with Jonah Hill's straight laced number cruncher makes for quite the cinematic duo. 

Moneyball is a subtle reminder that sports movies are a heck of a lot more enjoyable than sports.  I could give a shit about sports.  In fact, I loathe team sports because it turns individuals into assholes and crowds into mobs.  I didn't know what a corner back was while I played football in high school, I read about it later in a Foxtrot comic strip.  But give me Rocky, Major League, Any Given Sunday, Warrior, Miracle, heck even Coach Carter and I'm on the edge of my seat, heart swelling with the highs and lows of the athletes on screen and feel like I know something about boxing, baseball, football, basketball, MMA and hockey.

What's the difference?  Characters.  Personalities.  Filmmakers humanize the athlete because if it was just about the sport, non-fans would get tired after 15 minutes.  But the story of the under dog, the person trying to better themselves, the family dynamic of teams, losing but coming back for more, for that one last shot of glory...it's beautiful.  You forget about all the bullshit baggage sports can bring like infidelity, drug abuse, sex addiction, dog fighting rings, illegal possession of firearms, gambling dens, fans beating each other to death...and can just enjoy the game.

Every great sports film includes at least one goosebump inducing motivational speech.  Such as:

Van Dammage - Menu

"I ate something, but not food.  You know what I'm saying?"

         Jean-Claude Van Damme